Musings on life, parenting, Jesus, and more...

I wrote this post over five years ago. I'm finally feeling brave enough to share it. I believe there is power in knowing we are not alone. I felt very alone for a long time, ashamed of my feelings - which only made the feelings multiply. Without therapy, I might not have ever realized that my feelings were normal and they did not make me a bad person or an ungrateful daughter. My hope is that in sharing parts of my story publicly, I can help someone else feel not so alone; That by reading my story, someone else might find the freedom to seek therapy, to talk to a trusted person about their past, and to ultimately find the healing and forgiveness that I have found. For years I struggled with immense guilt and shame over not wanting to have a relationship with my mother. I saw a therapist for almost 5 years – mostly to work through the issues surrounding my own divorce.  However, my therapist suggested that I do some research on children raised by parents (specifically mothers) with...

Okay, time for another deep, vulnerable moment… but one I hope that some of you can relate to so I don’t feel so alone. It’s hard for me to like myself. What I mean by that is that somehow I grew up with no self confidence and almost a fear that if I let who I really am show, people won’t like me.  I remember in middle school wanting to color my hair and be different, in hindsight I think I was trying to be myself or find myself, but my parents wouldn’t let me. My mom constantly focused on what other people would think instead of letting me be me. She was also very critical of herself so I grew up hearing her talk about how fat she was (when in all reality she was never overweight that I can remember.)  But that was my standard that I grew up with so as soon as I went through puberty and my hips grew, I felt like I was fat too. Even in my 30’s when I got to my Weight Watchers goal weight I still struggled to not see myself as fat and unattractive.  It’s not all about phys...

I wonder how many are dying alone, without the support of friends or loved ones ? Sometimes you know things are happening but until they impact your life personally, it’s easier to ignore and not think about. That is the situation that my sister and I find ourselves in with the caretaker of my dad’s property in North Idaho. Let me go back and fill you in, in case you aren’t familiar with the situation. Almost exactly 2 years ago my dad passed away abruptly from esophageal cancer, and we inherited his 25 acres in rural North Idaho. There had been a caretaker on his property for many many years who had actually just recently left when my dad got sick, but sadly the property he had moved onto was also owned by someone with recently diagnosed terminal cancer so he agreed to come back to my dad’s property and continue with the caretaking after my dad passed. It was truly a blessing and allowed my sister and I to continue operating his Airbnb, and even turn his primary residence into another...

4th of July weekend! One of my favorite holidays! I love the rodeo, fireworks and seeing people happy and celebrating our country and our freedom.  But I also recognize that holidays can be difficult, especially if you don’t have family close by, or you share custody with your kids, and maybe have to spend some holidays without them. My kids will be gone this weekend with their dad and while I will miss them, my weekends without them have become few and far between, and I need that time not in “mom mode” to rest, rejuvenate and relax. So that’s what I will be doing this weekend and I just wanted to throw out an invitation to hang out if you are feeling alone this weekend. We just set up a pool in our backyard so you could bring a floatie and relax, I still have a puzzle that I would love help putting together, I have wine, lavender lemonade and just a peaceful place in the country to chill.  I would also love to find someone to go to the 4th of July laser light show in Oregon ...

We need to talk about something quietly sabotaging our connections—something so subtle it often flies under the radar until it explodes into misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or even lost relationships. Let’s talk about offense—specifically, how easily we take it, and how that habit may be silently damaging our ability to relate to one another in healthy, empathetic ways. The Emoji That Broke the Camel’s Back Not long ago, I was chatting with a friend when they casually confessed they find the “thumbs up” emoji offensive. To them, it felt dismissive—like a digital eye-roll or a passive-aggressive “whatever.” I was surprised. I use that emoji all the time. To me, it means “Sounds good!” or “I’ve got it!” or “Thanks!” Never once had I attached any snark or sarcasm to it. Their comment had me wondering, how many times had I sent a simple 👍🏼 and unknowingly ruffled feathers? How many of us are interpreting messages through our own filters, shaped by assumptions, insecurities, or ...

The last time I was in Seattle was a few years ago, and even then I made the comment that it seemed much cleaner than Portland does these days. I moved to the Portland area in 2004 after graduating from the University of Oregon in the Eugene. I grew up in North Idaho, and visited Seattle on a few occasions. I knew about the homeless problem, heroin addiction. Seattle had kind of a bad wrap to be honest. When I first moved to Portland area, I loved it. I would go down to events on the Portland waterfront, and frequent restaurants and bars in the city. However, since Covid and the riots, it’s really gone downhill. In my opinion, Portland is far worse these days. I know they are trying to find housing for the unhoused population, and from what I hear from sources on the inside, they are successfully doing that. However, in the meantime, the city still remains an eyesore and for me personally, does not feel like a safe place to visit. It would actually be a fun comparison after spending a ...

Today would have been my dad’s 77th birthday. It also happens to be Father’s Day - a beautiful, sunny Sunday here in Oregon. Yesterday I watched my daughter play beach volleyball under a warm summer sky. Today, I’m sitting on the sidelines of my son’s baseball tournament, soaking in the joy of family, sunshine, and the ordinary magic of weekend routines. On the surface, everything feels peaceful and full. And yet, beneath it all, there’s a quiet ache. I miss my dad. Grief is a strange and unpredictable thing. One minute you’re fine, the next minute the cat leaves you a dead bird on your front doorstep and you’re bawling your eyes out. I know I’m not the first to say it, and I won’t be the last, but I’m deeply grateful that we can hold two truths at once. Life rarely exists in black and white. It’s the “both/and” that shapes our richest experiences. I am both incredibly grateful for this weekend, and also profoundly sad. I miss my dad’s presence, especially on days like today. But I...

I don’t know if many of you know this about me, but I have battled depression at different times over my life, starting in adolescence when I would self harm with razor blades and lighters, and at the age of 15, attempted to take my own life by drinking alcohol and swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills. God had a plan for my life though, and despite my attempt to end it, he has managed to protect me and get me this far (46 years!), thank you Jesus. Depression hit hard again in my 30’s, with three small children and a failing marriage. I once again turned to self harm, but not in the same way as my teenage years.  Through years of therapy, lots of prayer, self help books and podcasts, journaling (LOTS of journaling), and many other tips and tools that I’m going to list below, I have found a way to thrive and enjoy life without depression and without antidepressant pharmaceuticals.  I’m not against the use of antidepressants - I think they can be a great tool to help get people ...

I love writing. I think I’ve always loved to write. I remember being devastated in the 3rd or 4th grade when I didn’t get chosen to do to the Young Writers Conference and somehow my parents managed to pull some strings and let me attend.  (I didn’t realize at the time but in hindsight, I think I probably wasn’t “chosen” to go the first time because my parents didn’t have the money - maybe the school provided a scholarship or maybe the folks scrounged up the money, but somehow I was able to go.) Writing can be a very personal thing, and putting your innermost thoughts out to the world can be very vulnerable. I hope and pray that I am at a point in my personal growth and healing journey that I can share my heart and not let the criticism and judgment that I know is rampant in the online world, affect me or make me feel like a bad person. It takes a lot to be vulnerable in public. I admire those who have gone before me and I know that speaking truth and sharing our personal testimonie...

I started with nothing. My parents were poor, I dropped out of high school. I was living on my own by age 17. But I realized early on that I did not want to work a minimum wage job for the rest of my life. I went to cosmetology school at age 16 1/2, graduated at 17 before the rest of my former classmates had even graduated high school. That didn’t last, but I still keep my Idaho cosmetology license for $20 a year so I can shop at the wholesale beauty supply stores. My vision has always been bigger. Bigger than a 9 to 5 job, bigger than simply working for myself. I want to grow a successful business and help you to do the same. I want to own more real estate and build more equity and help you do the same. And of course, I want to continue helping you save money on your taxes, and understand the best tax structure for your business or businesses. It is so important for your business to hire a confident and proficient bookkeeper. I have a few excellent referrals from our local community i...

I know club sports can kind of get a bad wrap these days. It’s expensive, time consuming, and it makes me sad that some high school sports have become so competitive that if you don’t play club in the off-season, you're probably not going to make a high school team.  It also makes me sad that the cost prevents a lot of families from even having the option to participate. Yes, there are scholarships, but as far as I know, they only pay a portion, maybe half of the club dues so even at the less expensive clubs, on a local team, you would probably still be looking at at least $1,000 in dues.  But I like to focus on the positive and that is what today’s post is about. I love watching my girls play volleyball. I love seeing them gain confidence and bond with their teammates. I love watching their skills improve week after week with their coaches help. And I love getting to know other families that also show up week after week to cheer our girls on, to love and support them, to feed...