It’s hard to like myself

Okay, time for another deep, vulnerable moment… but one I hope that some of you can relate to so I don’t feel so alone.

It’s hard for me to like myself. What I mean by that is that somehow I grew up with no self confidence and almost a fear that if I let who I really am show, people won’t like me. 

I remember in middle school wanting to color my hair and be different, in hindsight I think I was trying to be myself or find myself, but my parents wouldn’t let me. My mom constantly focused on what other people would think instead of letting me be me. She was also very critical of herself so I grew up hearing her talk about how fat she was (when in all reality she was never overweight that I can remember.) 

But that was my standard that I grew up with so as soon as I went through puberty and my hips grew, I felt like I was fat too. Even in my 30’s when I got to my Weight Watchers goal weight I still struggled to not see myself as fat and unattractive. 

It’s not all about physical appearance either. I have a hard time feeling like I deserve to be successful. I work hard and provide a very necessary service to people (tax advising) but I struggle to feel worthy of what I need to charge in order to stay in business and support my family.

I don’t like myself. 

It’s gotten better over the years and my positive self talk and knowledge and that I am a child of God are things I lean on everyday to overcome the negative thoughts. But it’s a daily struggle.

I don’t know how else to fix it. I can’t go back in time and change how I was raised, but I can try to provide a loving home for my own children, where they can thrive and grow in self-confidence and hopefully love who God created them to be.

And I can tell myself that I am beautiful exactly as God created me and that my weight, how I look, or how I talk does not determine whether or not I am a good person. I can tell myself that I am smart and educated, and that I have worked hard and spent thousands of hours over the years studying and learning so that I can be an expert in my field, and that I deserve ti be oats what I’m worth.

I can tell myself that I am a good mom, even when my teenagers roll their eyes at me or my son storms off in frustration. But I still struggle. Please tell me I’m not alone. And if you have any advice on how to build confidence after being raised in a way that didn’t instill it, I’m all ears.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I resonate with this SOOO MUCH. Especially the part about trying to explore and discover yourself in middle school. Trust me, you AREN’T alone girl!
July 11, 2025 at 8:00 PM
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