House Envy

I use to have house envy. Before I had a big, nice house of my own, I would lust after my friends houses. I thought that if I had a nice home, I would be happy. 

And I was happy...for a while. 

I loved decorating, I loved having space to entertain and throw parties. I loved having room for guests to come stay. A home office. Portrait studio. 

It was perfect... until it wasn’t.

When we downsized in May of 2016, it felt good. It was freeing to get rid of the debt, and the responsibility that inevitably comes with homeownership. I loved blessing other people with stuff, as we got rid of probably at least 75% of what we owned at the time.

It freed us up to have the adventure of a lifetime with our kids. We spent 2 winters in Mazatlán, Mexico - escaped the cold, rainy weather here in Oregon, and gave our kids a chance to experience another culture, and a huge jumpstart in becoming bilingual.

I’ve been back for 6 months now. The kids and I moved back into the 2 bedroom townhouse that I bought in my 20’s, when I was single with no kids.

It’s not fancy. 

But it’s perfect for us. 

The kids were use to sharing a bedroom in Mexico, so being in one room again is no big deal, although I’m sure Jenica would love a bit more privacy and Kenton would complain less if the girls didn’t have to come on “his side” every time they need to use the bathroom. (We were able to hang up a room divider curtain to make a boys half and a girls half.)

We have 3 bathrooms between the 4 of us, which is awesome. We have great neighbors, we are close to stores (and Starbucks), we have a little backyard, a playground and basket ball hoop onsite, a garage to store all the kids sports equipment, ect. 

It’s great. 

And I’m not just saying that. I truly think I’m happier in smaller spaces, at least for now. I like having my babies close by, I like spending time as a family and not being spread out throughout a 3,000 square foot home. 

But yesterday, for the first time since before I bought the big house in the supberbs in 2011, I had house envy. And not just envy, but the feeling that somehow I am not good enough because I don’t have the big, nice, fancy house.

A mom from Kenton’s preschool invited us over for lunch after their pumpkin patch field trip, and her house was gorgeous. Vaulted ceilings, huge custom kitchen, themed bedrooms for each of the kids, a playroom with every cool toy imaginable, I could go on and on...

How could I ever invite this woman to my house now after seeing what hers looks like? 

I hate that I think that way, but that’s exactly the path my mind goes down. 

But I remember being on the other side of the situation, when we had the big nice house and people would say similar things to me. “I’d have you over but my house is tiny.” Or messy. Or noisy. Or whatever. 

None of that mattered to me. When I had the big house, I still enjoyed going to my friends houses who lived in smaller spaces. And I certainly didn’t mind if the dishes weren't done or if there was laundry everywhere. If anything, it made me feel just a bit more normal and okay with my own imperfections.

So i guess the point of this post is to remind myself that the things in life that are truly important... well, they aren’t things at all. The things that are important to me, and the values I want to instill in my kids, have little to do with wealth or possessions. Rather, I want us to value relationships and experiences... 

So for now, for us, that means living in a 1250 square foot townhouse, driving an older (but debt free) vehicle, and putting the kids in public school.

Why then is it so hard for me to invite people over to my house now that I don’t have my “dream home?” I don’t know the answer to that except maybe to say that it’s some sort of pride issue... 

But I don’t want to let that stop me from pursuing relationships with people. How people feel in my home is so much more important than how it looks, or how much money it costs. 

So this is me being real. My house is small, and noisy, and messy (most of the time), and parking is horrible, but you know what? We would still love to have you over. 

And whether you have the big fancy house of your dreams, or a tiny apartment with hardly any furniture, I’d still love an invitation to your place. 

Let’s stop worrying so much about how our lives look or compare to others and just focus on loving those around us. At least that’s what I’m trying to do.