Time is the greatest gift

Yesterday I spent about 6 hours in the car driving kids around. Today is less, probably 4 -5 when it’s all said and done. To many this may seem like a chore. I know I myself have been guilty of talking about it like it’s a chore. But if I’m being honest, I actually love it. I cherish that time with them, sometimes individually, sometimes all 3, sometimes just the girls. Tonight was one of those nights with just the girls. They both had volleyball, Tenley’s rec practice and Jenica’s high school open gym. 

On the way there it struck me that I only have 2 more years left with Jenica at home (possibly. I just want to note that I’m totally fine if she stays close to home for at least the first couple years of college, to “save money” of course 😉

Two years from now she’ll be graduating and could potentially move away for college. Fast forward 10 years and ALL the kids will be graduated. I’m so proud of them already, I know the Lord has great plans for each of them, but my time with them, the influential years of being under my roof and under my authority are coming to a close. 

I’ve been doing my best at this whole parenting thing for 15+ years now, and I’m feeling the proverbial load lightening. They can all stay home alone, they can cook for themselves, they are helpful around the house and the farm, they all do their homework and get good grades with little to no prompting, they make good choices, have good friendships, and are just an overall pleasure to be around most of the time. I love them so much and want to soak up each and every minute with them, which brings me back to where I started. 

I enjoy my time in the car with them. In the morning, Kenton is the only one that needs to be driven to school, but Jenica doesn’t like riding the the bus so we leave about 15 minutes early to take her to school and then get Kenton to school by 8:15. (School doesn’t start until 8:30 and 8:15 is the earliest you can be dropped off, but if he gets there after 8:15, to him he feels like he’s late.)

Then Kenton gets picked back up at 3:00 and occasionally we’ll go get one or both girls depending on what’s going on that afternoon/evening. If not, home we go for a couple hours until it’s time to leave again for sports. 

Sometimes my time with them in the car is quiet time. Sometimes we listen to music or sing along (okay it’s mostly me that sings but every now and then I’ll catch one of them joining in.) Sometimes we talk about our day. Today Tenley updated me on what she had going on in all her classes and it was really interesting. She is working on a report about the 3rd smallest country in the world, and in another class she’s building a 3-d model. 

We make a habit of saying things out loud that we are thankful for. It may sound cheesy but it has helped my mood and mental outlook to purposefully focus and speak out loud the things I am grateful for in my life: God, family, my home, my career, my health, and a million other little things. 

But right now, in this particular moment, I’m thankful for the gift of time. Time with my babies, a career that allows me the freedom to create my own schedule and my own workload, so that I can be available to spend 6 hours in the car with them if that is what is needed to get them to the places that bring them joy and help them develop into kind, thoughtful, smart, healthy, unique individuals. I am thankful that I can be a healthy and present mom and role model to my kids despite that not being modeled to me by my mom growing up.

Seeing my girls’ relationship and friendship develop over the years has been both heart warming and sad all rolled into one. I am of course so happy and proud of them for being kind human beings, for loving and supporting eachother, and forgiving eachother when offenses inevitably happen. But there’s a little piece of childhood Shay that is still sad that my sister and I didn’t get to experience that sisterly bond growing up. And what makes that even harder to swallow for me is that for my whole life, our family dysfunction was blamed on me. I was the scapegoat (that’s the term my therapist used) and I was left feeling like a “bad kid”, and the one to blame for my sister and I not getting along, for my mom leaving, and then eventually for my own poor choices involving drugs, alcohol and men. 

I wish I could have had healthy, loving, present role models as parents growing up. Divorce or no divorce I think that would have made a huge difference. But alas, I did not. And I’ve had to do a lot of therapy, a lot of journaling, a lot of forgiving, a lot of hard work to get to a place where I can break that generational dysfunction off of my family from this point on, and be the mom to my kids that I didn’t have growing up. 

But I’m here to tell you it’s possible! Don’t give up hope. Get help if you are struggling. Heck, get help even before you’re struggling. I’m a huge fan of therapy (can you tell?) 

And if it’s possible in your life right now to just slow down and appreciate the moments with the ones you love, even if they are moments in the car taxiing them around, do that! Because there truly is no other greater gift than time.