Parenting Transitions

My kids are growing up. My oldest just turned 16 and got her drivers license. She’s in the process of getting her first official job, and this morning she had an early morning appointment to fill out new hire paperwork.

We had an interesting interaction that I wanted to share because I think it really emphasizes this transition that is occurring in how I parent my older children. 

This is crazy to think about, but when I was her age, I was living on my own, working and paying rent, and getting my GED. So I’m fully aware that she is capable of doing life on her own, however, I’m so thankful that she doesn’t have to. I didn’t realize it in the moment while I was living that out, having to be on my own independently so young had some very traumatic pieces and has definitely impacted my development and how I see the world.

This stage of parenting I’m in, it’s not so much about telling her what to do anymore. It’s about advising her and guiding her and being there for her as a listening ear, but she is old enough now that she is going to make her own choices, regardless of what I tell her to do. I just hope and pray that I have raised her with a solid foundation, so that she makes choices.

I know that will not always be the case, we all make mistakes, we all make poor choices, and when that happens, I will be there to love her and accept her regardless. But I do feel like my job parenting her these days is more about guiding and less about dictatorship.

So back to this morning’s story. She had an early morning appointment before school to fill out new hire paperwork for a reffing position that she applied for with the school district. When she told me about the appointment, I asked her if she needed her passport or Social Security card. In my experience, those items were needed when applying for a new job. She told me that she only needed to bring her drivers license, which was surprising to me, and I shared with her that I thought she would need two forms of ID, but I didn’t tell her what to do in that moment. She had gone to the interview on her own, and she was driving herself to this appointment, so I gave her my advice and my experience and allowed her to make her choice.

She chose to just bring her drivers license. I’m going to share the text exchanges that we had while she was at this appointment, and realizing that she did in fact need to have either her passport or her Social Security card with her.

I think it’s funny how she says “you could’ve just told me to bring it just in case.” In hindsight, yes, I could’ve just told her what to do. But the thing is, I am not going to be there to tell her what to do for the rest of her life. It’s time for her to start making choices on her own. Again, this doesn’t mean that I won’t be there for her to offer my advice, my opinion, or just my listening ear and support, but I really feel that my days of telling her what to do are behind us. 

I think this morning was a great learning experience for her, and hopefully it will help her to listen and trust me in the future. And I’m not gonna lie, I secretly think it’s just a little endearing that she does still want me to tell her what to do. 

How about you? Are you in the stage of life where you’re starting to let go a little and watch your children make their own choices? How’s it going? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.