The tale of two sisters

My sister and I have never been close. I think she would agree. As kids, I wasn’t very nice to her and I’m still not sure why to this day. I mean, there’s normal sibling rivalry, I get that. I have two teenage girls of my own. But growing up, I almost felt like my parents pitted us against each other on purpose, and I definitely felt like the “bad kid” while my little sister could do no wrong, so I think that just created a lot of bitterness towards her from the start.

As my parents relationship deteriorated, so did my behavior and I remember doing really mean things to my sister. She remembers me dipping her toothbrush in the toilet, and not telling her until after she had used it, and I remember holding her down and dripping lugies towards her face, sometimes dropping them (accidentally of course). I’m embarrassed to admit it but that’s the type of sister that I was.

I have apologized over the years and she has forgiven me, but I still think it has affected our ability to be friends. I often feel that deep down inside she still thinks I’m that mean girl from adolescence and I feel like she doesn’t trust me as an adult. When I was 13 and decided I wanted to go live with my mom instead of stay with my dad, I think my sister was probably relieved. 

I will say that since my dad passed, things have been going better than expected. I do feel like we are getting along and compromising and trying to make things work in a way that honors our dad and is doable for us and our families. 

And I’ve also noticed how our childhood trauma has affected us differently. When my mom left, and a year later I left to go live with her, my sister stayed with my dad in North Idaho. I think she was 10 or 11 years old. My dad moved around a little in the beginning, I remember my sister describing it as if they were living like Gypsies, but eventually they moved back into the cabin and she lived there with my dad through her junior high and high school years, before going off to college in Tacoma in 1999.

I moved to Missouri with my mom and lived in three different houses with her during the few years we were there. I also moved in with my boyfriend‘s family, and ran away from home during that 3 year period so in total I think I lived at 9 different homes in the course of a few years.

Now as an adult, I like change. It’s comfortable to me to have change in my life. It seems like a pattern for me to move about every five years, I love rearranging my furniture, and I even love little things like when my cleaning lady slightly rearranges things so it looks more aesthetic on the shelves. On this trip, I learned that my sister is quite the opposite when it comes to change, and it makes me wonder if it’s because she didn’t have as much of it during her formative years.

We met with the new caretaker for the property in person, but my sister had been corresponding with her for the last couple of weeks and had given her permission to move some of her belongings onto the property before we arrived. I think it was a bit of a miscommunication, but she ended up moving quite a few of her furniture and decorative pieces into both the cabin and the Casita. The changes didn’t bother me at all. I thought the Casita looked more homie, felt more comfortable, and I just appreciated that it didn’t remind me so much of my dad since that is where he had died and that memory is still fresh in my mind. 

I had also always hoped for a different aesthetic in that rental than in the cabin, and it had been a huge point of contention with my dad when he was still alive, so having someone else come in and redecorate a little was a welcome adjustment for me and my family.

However, my sister was less than pleased with the additions to the cabin that she grew up in. I don’t think she may have even realized her adversion to change until she arrived and found Julie’s things spread throughout her childhood home. She pretty immediately moved the things right back out and asked Julie to please come get them. I think that hurt Julie‘s feelings, and I do think it was a bit of an overreaction on my sister‘s part. I don’t think it would’ve been a big deal to have some extra items in the cabin for a little while, while we gave her time to situate herself, but what’s done is done and I do understand where my sister is coming from, I just thought her reaction was a bit harsh. We don’t want to scare off the caretaker before she even has a chance to give the place a shot.

So ya, that whole scenario has me thinking alot about trauma and how it affects us all differently, but one thing is for sure. It definitely affects us. And it can be a negative affect if we don’t deal with it.

It is only on the other side of years of therapy that I’m able to recognize and see how childhood trauma shaped my perception of the world. In adulthood I found myself overly sensitive to offense and rejection, I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough and that no body liked me or truly wanted to be my friend. I still struggle sometimes but at least I am able to recognize that those feelings are temporary, unfounded and they will eventually pass. 

I hope that if you’ve experienced trauma in your life, that you feel empowered to seek therapy. Especially if you are raising kids of your own. Otherwise you are likely to pass some of those same traumas and dysfunction on to them. 

And I hope that despite my sister and I’s differences, we can continue to come together and manage the 25 acres that he left us in a way that allows other people to come and also enjoy this magical piece of North Idaho.

So if you want a truly rustic log cabin experience, this is the listing for the original cabin that my dad built almost a half century ago. 

This is the cabin that my sister and I lived in until my parents finished building the big house, which I seem to remember moving into when I was probably in 10 or 11 years old. (Fun fact: my sister was actually born in the house, my mom had me at the hospital but decided to have Rhianna at home with a mid wife present instead of going to the hospital. I hear that my mom kicked my dad out at some point during labor and he was able to go outside and enjoy the Northern Lights.

After my parents divorced, and they sold off that piece of property with the big log cabin, my sister and my dad ended up living back in the original long cabin for a number of years while she finished school, and my dad lived there over the years after we were grown, but would still Airbnb the cabin and move into an RV on the property or just stay in a bedroom that is closed off from the rest of the cabin when he had guests. He also had a houseboat on Lake Oend Orielle for a number of years, and I think he would often go stay on the houseboat when he had guests in the cabin in the summertime.

This cabin has no dishwasher, no TV, no bath cover, and really cool spiral staircase to the sleeping loft that can make it a little challenging for older guests and pets. We just advertise this one as sleeping two adults and don’t really encourage small children since it can be a little dangerous.
I’ve heard the bed isn’t super comfortable and there are sometimes mice, but if you are truly looking for that log cabin in the woods vibe, this fits the bill. 
Satellite Internet is available in both cabins, and there are hiking trails on the property where you can explore the creek, hike to antelope Lake, or just explore the property.
The Casita sits where the original big house used to be, and my dad was able to buy back that parcel of land about 10 years ago after the original house had burned down and the property hadn’t been well cared for. 
At the time, Rhianna and I had both had kids and there just wasn’t enough room on the property for us all to be there visiting Grandpa at the same time. Rob and I had been talking about the possibility of buying or building a tiny house and placing it on the property so we would at least have our own space to sleep while we were there. But in talking through how much that would cost and looking at the structure that was already there on the property when he bought it back, we instead decided to put about $10,000 into fixing up that little house, and it was named the Casita since we furnished it with pieces from our own house when we were down sizing and moving to Mexico for a couple of winters in 2016.
My dad ended up moving into the Casita, which again made it challenging for us all to be at the property at the same time, but honestly over the years Rhianna never seemed to want to be there at the same time as me and my family anyway, and I don’t blame her after how I treated her during childhood, and some of my outburst during young adulthood before therapy, but it was always sad to me over the years that she didn’t want to spend time or interact with our family in Idaho. 
Like I mentioned earlier, when we offered to fix up the Casita, I felt like the agreement between us and my dad was that we would be willing to put in the money if we could have the final say over the design of the inside of the cabin. Super rustic and repurposed just isn’t really my vibe.  I wanted my kitchen to have real cabinets that could be cleaned and sanitized, I wanted finished drywall walls, and ceiling, and laminate floors that would also be easy to clean. I also wanted a private bathroom space with a bathtub, and we wanted to be able to have some modern amenities like a dishwasher and a TV.
So while the Casita wasn’t built from scratch by my dad’s two hands, and according to him, “the bones” of the structure aren’t great, we’ve made the inside look relatively nice and despite the low water pressure, you can use the dishwasher and the shower/tub. There is however, a composting toilet, because it was going to be too much money to try to dig up and find where the septic used to attach to. It’s not horrible, it doesn’t smell like an outhouse and you can’t see what goes in, but the composting toilet does need to be turned once a week and emptied every 6 to 12 months when it gets full, but that’s not your responsibility as a guest.
Supposedly once it composts the poo and spits it out into the receptival that gets emptied, it’s basically just dirt and isn’t as disgusting as it might sound. As a guest, it hardly feels any different, you just have to put in a scoop of bark chips after you go number two. 
Near the meadow, where the Casita is, there ate also a couple of bucket out houses and an outdoor shower, and of course you’re always welcome to just go dig a hole and poop in the woods if that’s more your style.
There are also a couple of campsites on the property where you can pitch a tent and there’s plenty of room for car camping if you have a rooftop tent like the one that I just bought (which I’m absolutely loving by the way! Who wants to invite me car camping? Lol)
We haven’t made the Casita listing live again since canceling the reservations when the last caretaker got sick, but we would like to have the opportunity to kind of test out the new caretaker and her cleaning abilities by having some friends and family book at a reduced rate, so we were thinking of opening bookings back up for the rest of the season for about $30 a night in exchange for reporting back to us about anything that isn’t to your liking (rather than leaving a negative review) so that we can address any issues before we officially go live again and start advertising to the general public.
If this would be something you’d be interested in doing, either by yourself or possibly with me or my family, please comment here or send me a message and we can see if the dates you’d like are available. 
We would really love to make this space more available to a wider range of people, and are even in the process of possibly putting some tiny house sheds on the property for more of a glamping experience in the woods. 
While the property is kind of a drive from the Portland area (about seven hours), once you get here, there is so much to do. Lake Pend Orielle is only about 15 minutes away, and there are tons of other hiking, fishing, boating, paddling, and recreating opportunities close by.
If you are interested, please reach out. We would love to figure something out so that you two can experience this beautiful part of the country.