An open letter to my children

Someday you are going to read this blog. Someday you are going come here for answers. We live in a different world than I grew up in. The digital era has allowed everything we post to be memorialized in timelines, Facebook memories, and an endless array of blog posts, Instagram pics, tweets, snaps, ect.

In the past when I have posted on this "journey through parenthood" blog, I have always considered my audience to be the friends and family that stop by here to see pictures of how cute you are, how much you've grown, or the newest milestone you have accomplished. But it has dawned on me recently that this is your baby book of the 21st century. Just like we pull out our handmade scrapbooks that our mom's wrote in with pens and pencils - to see when we got our first tooth, or took our first steps - you will come here to find those answers, and so much more.

This is what I want you to know about your dad and my choice to live apart this summer:

To my babies - 

Mommy and Daddy love you so much! You are, by far, the best things to ever happen in our lives. I will never say that I made a mistake when I married your father because without him, we wouldn't have you. And each of you are absolutely perfect. 

I am struggling right now with what to tell our friends and family, but even more importantly, what to tell you. Not right now, but when you are older and you start to question our decision to separate. 

It was never because of you. In fact, quite the opposite. Your dad and I hung on and fought for this marriage with EVERYTHING we had, because we only want the very best for you, and because neither of us wanted to do to you what our parents did to us.

It has taken your dad and I each almost half a lifetime to come to this realization, but divorce isn't what caused the most damage in our lives when each of our parents separated. It was being abandoned. It was feeling alone, unloved, and unimportant. We are committed to not letting that happen to you.

Even though right now, your dad and I are choosing to live apart for our own emotional well being, neither of us are leaving you. We will always make you the priority in our lives. I promise to do whatever I can to make sure you always have a loving mother and father in your life. 

I know that times might come that you feel angry or upset, or just plain sad, and that's okay. I will love you through all those emotions and will humbly ask for your forgiveness for not being able to provide you with the perfect family I always dreamed of. 

But I also believe that God has great things for all of us going forward, and I'm so incredibly blessed that He choose me to be your mama.

With Love,

Mom 



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