High School wasn’t my jam

Most of you may not know this about me, but I dropped out of school when I was 15, sophomore year, and got my GED as soon as I turned 16. I also ran away from home at 15 and besides moving back in with my mom for a year while I went to cosmetology school, I’ve basically been on my own ever since then.

It’s crazy to think about really, especially as I look at my own almost 16 year old, preparing to get her license, interviewing for her first job, starting her junior year of high school. She essentially is an adult. She could take care of herself and as I am proof of, she could survive on her own at this age. 

In the eyes of a teenager, they’re all grown up too. I remember what it felt like to be that age. You feel invincible, you think you are smarter than your parents (and in many ways you probably are!), you want independence and to discover who you are as your own person, apart from your parents and siblings. It’s normal to push away at this age. Our job as parents is to be there to love and support them through the transition. 

I wish I would have had that support during my teenage years, but my mom was emotionally unwell and unavailable, and made poor choices that put me in unhealthy situations where I was exposed to drugs, alcohol, partying and sexual abuse. My home wasn’t a safe place, and ultimately I made the choice to run away rather than continue to live in that environment. 

I didn’t realize any of that at the time though. My mom had done an excellent job of blaming all our family problems on me and taking little to no responsibility for her own actions and behaviors. I thought I was a bad kid and the reason for all her struggles, and that just added to my desire not to live with her.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come from that place - almost 30 years have passed and I went on the get my Cosmetology License, Associates Degree, Bachelors Degree, Tax Consultants License, Enriolled Agent designation, start my own business and have three amazing children who make me so proud every day.

I’m so glad they get to live in a loving home. Divorce didn’t tear their life apart like it did for me and my sister. And because I chose to prioritize my own mental health, they get to have a mom that is present and available in their life.

Right now as I write this, my daughter is next to me. She just got back from her job interview and came to tell me about it. I’m not doing much for her except listening, and telling her I’m proud of her, but it’s little things like that that can make a world of difference in a child’s self worth and self esteem. I didn’t have that when I was her age. It makes me sad to think of how unsupported I was. 

But, that is all in the past and my goal is to use those experiences for good! To do better for my kids, and encourage other parents who have separated to find ways to coparent with kindness and respect, to make a commitment to your own health and wellness, so you can be there for your kids, especially through the tough transitional years when they might need you the most, but act like they don’t need you at all.