Musings on life, parenting, Jesus, and more...

When I was 21 I moved to Oregon. I had only met these people once or twice in my life but Karen was my grandmas baby sister and her and her husband Al took me in as family when I moved here, let me live in their home for free with my dog Kylo, establish residency using their address so I could get in state tuition at the University of Oregon (Go Ducks!), and included me in family events and get together like I had been part of their family my whole life.  They were so welcoming and accepting. It was a little foreign to me as my own family and upbringing had been filled with dysfunction. Their home reminded me of my grandparents home though and I am so appreciative of their willingness to adopt me for a season. After I got married and started a family of my own, I didn’t visit as often as I could have and I regret that. It was hard for me to feel welcome and accepted because of my own insecurities, not because of anything they ever said or did. When my dad passed a year and a half a...

Last night was so much fun! Six of us ladies cleaned out our closets, bagged up the stuff we no longer wanted and got together for a fun night of free shopping in the comfort of my living room. I don’t know about you, but I personally am not a fan of shopping. I don’t like getting all sweaty in department store fitting rooms, and with inflation at record levels, spending money on clothes seems a little frivolous.  But it’s still fun to freshen up our wardrobes and have some fun new items to wear, especially as seasons change.  Cue the clothing exchange! We use to do these many years ago, and I think it’s time to bring back the tradition. Not only is it an excuse to clean out our closets and a way to get a little wardrobe refresh, but it is also a fun excuse to get a group of ladies together for a night of fellowship and laughter. My recommendation: stick to your size range so you’re not having to go through clothes that won’t fit you. Six seemed like the perfect amount of peop...

My kids are growing up. My oldest just turned 16 and got her drivers license. She’s in the process of getting her first official job, and this morning she had an early morning appointment to fill out new hire paperwork. We had an interesting interaction that I wanted to share because I think it really emphasizes this transition that is occurring in how I parent my older children.  This is crazy to think about, but when I was her age, I was living on my own, working and paying rent, and getting my GED. So I’m fully aware that she is capable of doing life on her own, however, I’m so thankful that she doesn’t have to. I didn’t realize it in the moment while I was living that out, having to be on my own independently so young had some very traumatic pieces and has definitely impacted my development and how I see the world. This stage of parenting I’m in, it’s not so much about telling her what to do anymore. It’s about advising her and guiding her and being there for her as a listening...

I have a confession to make. I guess I’m kind of hoping that if I speak this out loud, it will help me let go and not continue to feel this way. I am so jealous of people who have large, loving families that hang out together, vacation together, and just do life along side eachother. Yes, I just got back from a big family gathering in Southern California and I am so incredibly blessed to have amazing aunts and uncles and cousins. My grandparents, my dad‘s parents, who have since passed years ago, raised five pretty incredible kids who have gone on to have families of their own and I truly feel so fortunate to be a part of that Casler clan. However, I didn’t grow up close to any of them so besides a holiday visit or a summer vacation here and there I never spent much time with them. My own family, mom, dad and little sister, lived remotely in North Idaho for the first 12 years of my life. Then my mom decided to move to Missouri and I followed less than a year later.  Now in adulthoo...

Most of you may not know this about me, but I dropped out of school when I was 15, sophomore year, and got my GED as soon as I turned 16. I also ran away from home at 15 and besides moving back in with my mom for a year while I went to cosmetology school, I’ve basically been on my own ever since then. It’s crazy to think about really, especially as I look at my own almost 16 year old, preparing to get her license, interviewing for her first job, starting her junior year of high school. She essentially is an adult. She could take care of herself and as I am proof of, she could survive on her own at this age.  In the eyes of a teenager, they’re all grown up too. I remember what it felt like to be that age. You feel invincible, you think you are smarter than your parents (and in many ways you probably are!), you want independence and to discover who you are as your own person, apart from your parents and siblings. It’s normal to push away at this age. Our job as parents is to be there...

Dear Dads, I know divorce and separation are hard! Maybe even harder for you at times since you will most likely be giving up more time with your kids than their mom will, especially if you were the bread winner and she was the stay at home caregiver.  I know that strife between the two of you might make you want to give up and not fight for time with your kids. I urge you not to give up, if at all possible.  My mom left my dad when I was 12 years old. She left me and my 10 year old sister with our dad and moved half way across the country. Nine months later, in the heat of an agrument with my dad, I asked to go live with her. Despite her mental instability and poor parenting choices, my dad allowed me to move half way across the country to live with her. I'm sure he thought he was making the best decision for me. He didn't want to fight with my mom. He didn't want to fight with me. So he let me go. And then he never fought to get me back. And that has had a lasting impact ...

We had a few transportation options to get to Southern California for my Dad’s Memorial this summer. I thought about taking the train, we did that two years ago when we came down for a family reunion and I really enjoyed it! The slower pace of things, and the train stations at some of the stops made me feel like we were taking a step back in time. Plus it was great not to have to have my eyes on the road all the time and just enjoy the scenery.  I looked into flights but we already have to buy 4 plane tickets to get down here in December for our cruise, so I wasn’t excited about buying 4 more tickets, and then also having to rent a car once we got there.  Ultimately we settled on driving, in part because my uncle Steve has a chair that he made and wants to donate to the Casler Farm property in North Idaho, so he’ll be strapping that to the top of my rig for the trip home, (and that’s why we are just making a quick stop back home before heading over to Idaho, so I don’t have to...

That might be a little overly dramatic, but I know I’m not the only mom feeling this way. Over the last few weeks I’ve had conversations with a few other mom friends who have been feeling similar frustrations. Screens are addicting. We know that now, but in many ways it seems like it’s too late, the damage is done. We are a world addicted to screens. It’s not just a kids problem, and I’m aware of the irony as I sit here on my own screen and write this blog post, while my kids happily splash around in our friends pool. I feel like a hypocrite telling them to get off their phones and screens and enjoy the real world, while I type a way on mine, but I do also see the value that technology has brought to my life. Without the internet, the cloud, and mobile hotspots, I wouldn’t be able to have the business and career that I have, that allows me to do things like spend afternoons at the pool with my kids in the summertime. But it does make it difficult to ask them to do something that I can’...

I came across this letter in my drawer the other day while I was cleaning out my nightstand. It is so meaningful and profound coming from my teen or tween (I think my daughter was 12 when she wrote this to me.) The adolescent years are tough. I wouldn't want to go back and repeat them, and I want to make sure I am healthy and equipped to be a good mom and role model during this transitional time in their lives. I want to be able to look back and re-read this during the challenging times that I know are ahead as I enter the next 6 - 7 years of having at least two teenagers in the house. Thank you my dear, sweet daughter for taking the time to write this. You are right, WE'LL get through this together and despite the challenges of adolescence I am so honored and blessed to be your mom, and I truly love your company (most of the time). lol Love you so much and I will always be here for you no matter what!

Not hostile. Hostel.  Definition: an inexpensive lodging facility that usually has dormitory style sleeping arrangements and sometimes offers meals and activities.  It might seem a little strange to share a room with a bunch of strangers, but I actually love it. Don't get me wrong, I love a good hotel room all to myself with a private bathroom and if I could afford my own private soaking pool somewhere, I would certainly enjoy that as well.   But hotel rooms have gotten expensive. $300 - $400 a night! I just can't afford that for a quick weekend getaway. Airbnb's are great, I'm not opposed to renting rooms on there either but I guess I just like the feel of hostile style lodging.  I didn't realize it until I got here, but I think my first experience in a hostel was with my dad when we were backpacking around Europe together in 2002.  Being here these past couple days has been a special time of reflecting on his life, the good times we had together and how much h...

It’s out of control. Almost every day I’m hearing statistics about how much more we are paying for groceries, utilities, and insurance than we were even a few years ago. Inflation. I won’t get into the political side of things, but I will just say, this is what happens when the government gives away money that it doesn’t really have to begin with. I don’t know who in our history ever decided that was a good idea, but honestly it needs to stop. Our country needs to learn to live on a budget just like you and I need to live on a budget in order to be wise and healthy financial consumers. Anyway, I digress. Back to the cost of living. It’s out of control. Real estate prices are insane and add in the crazy high interest rates right now, homeownership can seem pretty unaffordable to many. A year ago, my ex-husband and I decided to buy property together and convert the daylight basement to a separate apartment. That way the kids could see more of each of us, not have to split their time, and...

Anniversaries help us to remember and acknowledge things in the past. They might not always be happy memories, but I do believe that remembering and reflecting is important. It was a year ago this Memorial Day that I found out my dad had cancer. Three weeks later he was gone.  These pictures were all taken about 2 years ago. We had no idea then that these would be the last memories with Grandpa.  I’ve wanted to write about his passing for some time now, but I just wasn’t ready until now.  His death has been hard for me to process in a lot of ways. I know death is never easy, and cancer can be a horrible way to die, so I don’t fault my dad for his decision. What I do wish in hindsight is that it wasn’t illegal in Idaho to end your own life, in cases of terminal illness. That’s the choice my dad made, rather abruptly in my opinion and like all grieving children I would have given anything to have more time with him. But I think he was afraid. I think he was afraid that he w...

Yesterday would have been my Dad’s 76th birthday. Today I celebrate my first Father’s Day without him, and Thursday will be the anniversary of his passing. In a way I’m glad the three are so close together, but it is proving to be a hard week, that’s for sure 😭😭😭 My dad was the best Grandpa and we miss him so much. He was a great example of how to love your neighbors, love the planet, and just love life. He was always down for an adventure and I love that I also inherited his adventurous spirit. From taking our family to Mexico when I was a kid for a month long immersion, to backpacking around Europe with me in my early 20’s, to coming back to Mexico in 2018 to help me and my 3 kids move back to Oregon (and many of his own trips to Costa Rica, Guatemala, México and Hawaii) he often seemed to live his life like he was on vacation. I love that attitude and have tried to make my life feel like a vacation as much as possible 😎 thanks to him. We don’t know how much time we have here on ...

I don’t consider myself an anxious person. I have suffered from anxiety at times in my life, but thanks to therapy I have been able to lead a pretty peaceful life for the last few years. I consider myself an extroverted introvert. I enjoy meeting new people and the occasional social gathering, but i definitely need my alone time to recharge and clear my head. I regularly meet with people for work, either new clients, potential clients, or professional referral partners. I rarely have any anxiety about these meetings.  I don’t have anxiety about going to my kids’ school or the grocery store, although those places use to trigger lots of anxiety before therapy. But the strangest thing happened earlier this week. Actually, it’s probably not all that strange. In fact, I’m venturing to say that maybe quite a few of you reading this post may have experienced something very similar (it will make me feel better if you have. lol) Last Wednesday, the pickleball club in my town was hosting a “...

Family dynamics have never been wonderful in my biological family. If you know me or have spent any time reading my blog, that probably doesn’t come as a surprise. My analytical brain, along with my degree in psychology and my fascination with human behavior keeps me speculating about the causes and reasons for the discord.  One thing I was struggling with and working through with my dad in therapy before he passed was the feeling that I wasn’t good enough, that he assumed the worst about me and couldn’t seem to see my good intentions.  We were trying to create space on his property so there could be room for all of us to gather together comfortably. Instead of receiving that as a loving gesture, he felt attacked and made the assumption and comments on many occasions that our intentions weren’t about spending time with him, rather we were insulting his lifestyle by wanting to create a space that was comfortable for our family and our standard of living. (We don’t like rodents ...

I just got home from dropping kids at school and was not expecting anyone to be at my house when I came back. However, when I pulled in there was a black car in my driveway that I didn't recognize. When I came in the front door, there was a vacuum cleaner that hadn't been there when I left. The cleaners were here! Only problem is that I had no idea they were scheduled to come today. Usually I make the kids pick up their rooms, we put away all our crap, organize, ect., that way the cleaners can come in and do just that... clean.  Realizing they are here and completely unexpected, I of course, panic. For about 15 minutes, I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off, putting things away, clearing off counters, starting a load of laundry. Then, I calmed down, and had time to reflect on how silly the panic is, but also how practical "getting ready for the cleaners" really can be. I hear people joke all the time that they have to clean before the cleaners get the...

Yesterday I spent about 6 hours in the car driving kids around. Today is less, probably 4 -5 when it’s all said and done. To many this may seem like a chore. I know I myself have been guilty of talking about it like it’s a chore. But if I’m being honest, I actually love it. I cherish that time with them, sometimes individually, sometimes all 3, sometimes just the girls. Tonight was one of those nights with just the girls. They both had volleyball, Tenley’s rec practice and Jenica’s high school open gym.  On the way there it struck me that I only have 2 more years left with Jenica at home (possibly. I just want to note that I’m totally fine if she stays close to home for at least the first couple years of college, to “save money” of course 😉 Two years from now she’ll be graduating and could potentially move away for college. Fast forward 10 years and ALL the kids will be graduated. I’m so proud of them already, I know the Lord has great plans for each of them, but my time with them...

This has been on my heart to write about for a while now.  I learned the concept in therapy, to assume that those that love and care about us have good intentions and aren’t specifically out to hurt us.  Inevitably in any relationship, feelings get hurt and offenses do happen. But I don’t think they need to happen as much as they do. And I think that text and email have contributed to an increase in misunderstandings and offenses. If you find yourself taking offense easily, or feeling like people close to you don’t like you or are purposely out to hurt you, I highly encourage you to seek therapy. This can be a trauma response resulting from unhealed emotional or psychological issues.  This is really the first step, because what I’m about to share next wouldn’t have helped me before I did my own self-healing. You need to believe in yourself and see yourself as a good person, worthy of love and kindness.  You ARE!  You are a good person, worthy of love and kindnes...

While the year hasn’t necessarily started off with all good things, I feel proud of myself and my emotional maturity for the way I’ve been able to navigate and pivot among some unfortunate events. First, my MacBook screen stopped working on my laptop. My work laptop. The one I use to prepare tax returns, and I’m trying to get ready for tax season. Not the best timing. Reminds me of a few years ago in early January when my website went down and I had to scramble to make a new one while sitting at one of my daughters volleyball tournaments on a weekend. Next, I started working on my personal tax return to make sure I was on track with my own estimated tax payments and came to the conclusion that I am going to owe about $12,000, when I was expecting that amount to be more like $2,000. Yay for more business and more revenue, not so much for the more in taxes part 😬 Then, around 9:30 last night, I happened to check my email before bed and learned that my credit card had been skimmed and th...